Why Saying Sorry is ‘Leadership In Action’

Several years ago, I used to work for a major publishing company at Daryaganj, an old area of Delhi. I worked in the area of Collections – collecting outstanding dues from Advertising Agencies that placed advertisements in our newspapers and magazines.

We used to also carry Government advertisements in our publications. Collections from the Government was managed by another team. Such collections were always tricky and delayed. This team used to work laboriously with Government clerks to get payments released. They would trudge up their way through layers of red tape only to encounter moody clerks. They would keep the clerks humored, tolerate their idiosyncrasies and, eventually, emerge victorious with a cheque. The team managing Government collections had to be patient, resilient, and optimistic with a never-say-die attitude. When large payments came from the Government, the entire team would erupt in celebrations. They would distribute sweets purchased from the shop opposite our office.

There was one such cheque for a large amount received from the Fisheries Department of the Government. The internal team had pursued this payment for several months, visited the Fisheries Department numerous times, resubmitted the invoice multiple times and had, finally, emerged victorious. The cheque was handed over to the clerk managing bank deposits. Sweets were distributed and I also received my share.

A couple of days later when I reached office, I saw this team in an agitated state. They were running helter-skelter, some were searching the drawers and cabinets while others were huddled around the clerk managing the bank deposits. The clerk looked distraught.

I learnt that the cheque from the Fisheries Department had gone missing.

It was a serious matter. The Head of Department had gotten involved and many people had been summoned into his room as part of the ‘investigation’.

After a couple of days had passed, the team was preparing to go back to the Fisheries Department and request for a fresh cheque. The prospect of going through the whole process again was very painful for the team.

A few days later, I was clearing some stuff in my cabinet when I saw a cheque sticking out from a bunch of papers. When I pulled it out, I was shocked to see the same Fisheries cheque. I had no idea how it had made its way into my cabinet. Anyway, that was no longer important. What was important was what I was going to do next.

The right thing to do was to go up to the Head of Department, hand over the cheque to him and apologize. Of course, it came with its own risks and consequent embarrassment.

I decided to do the right thing.

I went up to the pipe-smoking Head of Department. I confessed, handed over the cheque and apologized. The Head took the cheque from me, summoned the concerned clerk and handed over the cheque to him.

Later, he came back to his seat and sat me down. He complimented me on my courage. He added that most people would have disposed of the cheque and no one would have ever come to know. But I did what was right. He went on to say that a measured apology where warranted is a sign of leadership. Coming from a seasoned professional, it was a great leadership lesson for a young person like me.

Over the years, I have observed situations around me. I realize that we find it very difficult to apologize. Even when we know it is our mistake and all it takes is an apology to set things right, we don’t say ‘sorry’. But by not offering an apology at the right time to the right person and in the right measure, we mess things up. Because we don’t apologize, people impacted by what we have done or not done, hold grudges that take a long time to heal and, in some situations, never heal.

Some of us do apologize. But then, there are apologies and there are apologies.

Some of us apologize but quickly add a ‘but’ followed by a long-winded sentence. In effect, this ends up as a justification and is not really an apology. Some of us cannot look the other person in the eye while apologizing – not effective. Some just murmur an inaudible apology – ineffective, again.

It gets worse in our personal life. People close to us bear the brunt of our missteps – both action and inaction. We seem to take them for granted. We find it impossible to apologize, not knowing that an effective apology can restore the zing in the relationship and salvage it.

In my view, an apology is a great opportunity to take ownership for our missteps – action or inaction. Isn’t this what Leadership is all about – taking responsibility for our actions including missteps?

An apology needs to be delivered with leadership. Block time, look the person in the eye, explain the context and authentically say, ‘Sorry!’. Period.

Apologize and move on.

It is actually Leadership in action.

My first e-book, ’31 Ways to Reclaim Your Happiness’ was launched on April 15th. This is available free to the subscribers of my newsletter.

Some more responses to my book from readers (extracts):

• ‘Lovely Ramanan! I rarely get time to read but what was special about this book was its practicality and absolute connect with where the world is today.’ – Winston
• ‘List of 31 ways to cultivate happiness is very impactful. Even if a person was to walk the first few on your list, day in and day out, the rest will follow through. As I could see, this list of 31 ways can be divided between how one deals with “Self” and “Surroundings”. Once you know to master or even get to know your “self” the rest should be coming. I am copying my kids on this email so that they can benefit for this book. Thank you for sharing this with all of us and I am sure this book will go a long way in spreading the message of happiness.’ – Vivek
• ‘Just finished reading your book and found the contents very interesting. Must say I felt as if I was speaking to myself and most of the time  the contents prompted me to AGREE or disagree. On the whole it was a worthy interaction and introspection too. Kudos friend for your excellent presentation.’ – Raghu
• ‘It was pure pleasure to read your first e-book, ‘31 Ways to Reclaim Your Happiness’. I had intended to do a leisurely read over a couple of days, but ended up reading it ‘cover to cover’ in under an hour… this is true testimony to the compelling product you have here! The concept is so in-step with our times, when we have forgotten the simple things that brought joy not so long ago. Each of the 31 ways resonated very strongly with me; in fact, the beauty of the book is that every time you turn a page, you leave it with more ideas and ‘ways’ buzzing in your head. Where the book scores strongly is in the easy style and language that you use. If one has to grapple with words, it would surely eat into the happiness one derives from reading something so valuable. I also love the illustrations and the clean format.’ – Priya

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