When my father was scheduled for a heart bypass surgery in 1992, it was a significant development in our lives. A man of medium built, my father had retired and lived a simple and pleasant life, keeping himself busy with daily chores, lively conversations, reading, and some writing. He was a man of substance and full of life and humor.
He had suffered a heart attack and was hospitalized for more than a week. After a few weeks, when he was cleared for the bypass surgery, he had his own anxieties and fears. We got him to meet one of his contemporaries who had just recovered fully from a bypass surgery. The idea worked and my father decided to go forward with the surgery.
A few blocks away from our home lived one of my father’s friends. He was a very tall and well-built man. He spoke loudly and with authority. He was a fitness freak and would drop in at our home occasionally. Even as I write this piece, I can only picture him in a brown tracksuit. He was much younger than my father. On most occasions, our home was a brief coffee stopover in his jogging routine. He was boastful about his health and fitness and would educate us, particularly me, on its different aspects. He was very proud of his handshake and would not miss an opportunity to demonstrate its vice-like grip. He made no effort to hide the wicked smile that spread across his face as his handshake grip tightened. Overall, he was a good man.
My father’s health was restored after his successful bypass surgery. The period of convalescence was not easy, however, given my father’s discipline, he made it. His trademark sense of humor was his ally throughout this process.
As my father was getting back to his routine, we heard a piece of news about his friend – that he too had suffered a heart attack. Given his fitness regimen, it was a shock for all of us. He was in the Intensive Care Unit at the hospital. We were not allowed to visit him.
Later, we gathered that he too had been advised a heart bypass surgery. My father and I decided to pay him a visit. By this time, he was home and my father had fully recovered. It was now my father’s turn to encourage someone else to go for the surgery.
I remember the scene quite vividly when I accompanied my father to his friend’s home. When he saw my father, he rushed forward to embrace him and then, almost hanging onto my father’s shoulders, broke down, wailing loudly. My father was not expecting this and was quite taken aback. I was too, to see such a strong man in this state. Despite my father’s strong encouragement on that day, he was just not comfortable with the idea of surgery. I could see mortal fear written large on his face.
In spite of being cautioned by his doctors, he never went ahead for the bypass surgery and passed away in less than 3 months. What a pity!!
That day, I learnt a lesson about courage:
Courage is an ‘inside’ thing and cannot be judged by outward appearance.
For many of us, our idea of courage is, probably, inspired by movies – guns and glory or by adventure like car racing or mountaineering in which you place your life in mortal danger and then emerge alive. This is a very macho connotation of courage. If we take this connotation into account, many of us lesser mortals could feel that we lack courage.
To define courage thus is to make it elitist and declare it as ‘out of bounds’ for most people on this planet.
Over the years, I have seen enough real-life examples of courage that do not fit this connotation. Let me cite a few of them:
– An estranged spouse bravely bringing up her two grown-up children, even when, as a couple, they are not legally separated – the husband is well off, loves the children but refuses to contribute financially
– A senior citizen cancer survivor who has had a recent remission after 12 long healthy years. She is getting ready for the battle, yet again
– A humble son of a poor farmer who is achieving new heights of glory in a thoroughbred MNC
– A young school-girl who beat cancer and is now a doctor
– A homemaker who lost her husband in his prime and has now taken up a job and is learning new skills
– A wheelchair-bound man with boundless optimism
– An entrepreneur cheated and driven into bankruptcy by his partners, now picking up pieces of his life and bouncing back
– A young person coming from an orphanage is now a Life Skills facilitator, training teachers
‘Courage is the ability to do something that frightens one. It is the strength in the face of pain or grief.’
When we consider this view, it is clear that all of us possess an abundant reserve of courage. We may not believe this, though. In all the above examples, people were in situations that must have scared them and yet they moved forward.
In our own lives, we need to just look back and spot the many situations that scared us at first but with courage, we took that one step forward and vanquished the fear. Those ‘one step’ moments have made us what we are today. I can think of so many situations for myself. It is important to recognize that we have it in us to be courageous.
Courage may not guarantee us success every time but it certainly moves us to stretch our boundaries and makes us do something we never did before. It certainly expands us and moves us in a positive direction.
Courage need not be in-the-face. It could take subtle forms, for instance, when you stand aside out of conviction while the world is rushing in a certain direction, or when you have very good reasons to attack someone but you exercise restraint. Courage is what you do to tame your inner demons. Courage is also when you take complete responsibility for the consequences of your actions and don’t blame anyone. You have been through such situations in the past, haven’t you?
So, now that you know you are a courageous one, where are you going to apply your courage today? What element of your life have you decided to change today? In which area of your life today are you taking your first step to vanquish fear?
Once you have taken your step forward today, consider encouraging someone else to do the same for their life… today. The world needs a lot of encouragement. Do your bit.
Just go forth and conquer… and don’t forget to celebrate those moments.
Many years later, such celebrations will serve as happy reminders of the fount of courage that sprung up straight from your heart.
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